she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
