We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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