My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
