and you said cock pushups were impossible
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
