I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
im on a boat
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