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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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