Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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