My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
