Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
