so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
