3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
