Pants 0. Shit 1.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
