so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
