i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
