Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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