i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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