Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
