talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
