Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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