So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
