It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
