she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't turn off my feet"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
