How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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