there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
