Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
