your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
