I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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