It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
