Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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