I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
