i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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