you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
