Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
