woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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