i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
