you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
