cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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