I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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