Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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