I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
