Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
