I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
