dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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