I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
