i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
