we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
