Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
