yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
