4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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