I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
