I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
