I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
