so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
