Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Michael Bay diarrhea
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
