Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
