just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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