If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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