I need to stop coming to work sober
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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