Do you still have your period?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
