it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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