i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
