win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
